Saturday, May 2, 2009

Two Truths and One Lie Game: Answers

The titles in bold are my responses to OESheepdog's Open Call requesting Two Truths and One Lie. Answers are below:

#1

I spent New Year’s Day 2000 praying with a living saint and a Ganesh channeling Buddhist Monk

That's the truth, and it was one of the most sublime and metaphysical experiences of my life. I think I have yet to top it. The Channeling Monk actually told me prophesies-- personal and political-- that I promised to never reveal, and I never have. I have a journal entry I wrote on January 2nd, 2000, that I might post sometime, if anyone would read it.

#2

At 22 years of age I was fired from a job as a cocktail waitress because I refused to go braless

This is a lie. I was fired but not because I wouldn't go braless. I mean *everyone* went braless in the early 80s in Portland, OR. I was fired because I was a nervous wreck as a cocktail waitress, and because I flunked a test they gave us after our first week on the job due to neglecting to memorize the company's history, which was 1/2 of the test. That job was the beginning of me realizing I'm not quippy-- my repartee’ to drunk men and their gross come-ons wasn't what it should have been for that, uh, position.

#3

I almost killed my toddler son in a cloud forest by exposing him to an eyelash viper

This is true. We took the kids on a month-long adventure travel extravaganza to Costa Rica. I had us booked in a Cloud Forest (a fog forest eco-system in the mountains) Hotel owned by one of the prior presidents of the country, and the first evening before nightfall we took the kids down the cute little wooden path into the forest, just for a peek at the monkeys, even though we had a guided tour the next day. As all of us were looking up, James, my two year old was crouching on his haunches looking at what I thought was a plant. He talked incessantly, so we mostly ignored him. But, he kept saying, "I see a snake." Daniel, our 7 year old would look down periodically and say, "That’s not a snake, that's a slug." This went on for quite some time while the rest of us were looking skyward toward the screeching howler monkeys.

Finally, for whatever reason, Rich and I both had that parental-6th-sense-thing come over us (finally!). We looked down at the exact same time and the horrifying scene came into hyper focus. What we saw was a coiled snake about 6" from James' face, with what looked like black horns on its head. I let out a blood curdling scream, Rich swooped to pick up James and we ran like hell out of the forest on that same cute wooden path we strode in on. I didn't sleep wink that night. The guide told us the next day that the snake was an eyelash viper, and that if it had bitten our son he would never have survived.

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