I'm too old for this

Dominique Browning wrote a piece for the New York Times titled, "I'm too old for this." It resonated. Not just the first part of the article about the deterioration of our looks at 60, but mostly the latter part of the article on the freedom to ditch old baggage and suffocating expectations. She was finally going to be herself. The idea of living light and right always perks me up. Then my family intervened.

And the rains came.

I'm not "chatty." When I do talk, I talk too loud. I think too deep. I care too much. In writing, particularly on Facebook, where developing thoughts should never be written lest a misunderstanding occur, I write them, hoping for a connection, or someone on the receiving end to help me grab my thinking and move forward. I always intend to be meaningful, and most of the time caring (except for incidents where hate speech is involved- but that is a different topic for another time).

Apparently, I should just shut up. Basically, that's what I think I'll do.

How does this jibe with the, "I'm too old for this" freedom we are supposed to have at a certain age? It doesn't, at least not if you care at all about what others think, which is basically the point of the article.

You shouldn't care. And I do. I do a lot.

 

Looking for a clear view

I worry about this because it means my development is stunted, and I'll never be free. I believe in my heart I've done the right thing. But, I'm shamed. I retreat and apologize. Then feel awful, because I've reconstructed the incident to be what I'm told it was. But, it wasn't. At least for me.

Not that many months ago, I sat with one of my mentors in Sri Lanka sharing lunch. He spoke about his attempts to not speak negatively. But, he said that whenever he opened his mouth, judgments came out. His answer was to meditate and be mute.

I'm with him. And I wish others would come along.

The Best Way to Lighten our Mood?: A Visit from Our Grandson

This weekend we received the first visit from our grandson -- unaccompanied by throngs of people -- that we have had in awhile. Before he got here, "we" (that is, Rich, Grammy and I) were totally agitated, complaining, tired, bitchy, itchy and scratchy. What I'm trying to convey is that we were uncomfortable for a myriad of reasons, some real and some imagined. Maybe we were suffering from some sort of spring fever.

I tried to tell this to Daniel, but I think I insulted him and Brandi by saying that we felt left-out of Kellan's world in the crowd that is Brandi's family. Rich and I are a family of few people. Rich and I only saw one grandparent at a time, and consequently, we believe, we became very close to them. Brandi is from a large family and is used to a crowd of loving people. It's a difference in family backgrounds. I didn't mean to upset anyone.

We just missed Kellan.

So, Daniel placated us by visiting here on Saturday with Kellan. While they were here and afterward, "we" were just so happy. "We" seem to operate as an ecosystem, like the spiders' many eyes, or as the jellyfish's many tentacles, or like the many leaves on a tree... if one branch is out of whack, the whole organism falls ill.

We certainly operate this way. When one person is happy, we spread happiness around. When one person gets pissy, we spread misery around.

Anyway...

So, after Kellan visited we were in a little bit of heaven (poor Daniel, I hope he and James don't feel left out).

I hate to brag, but Kellan is the most personable child for a 2 year old that I've ever met. He appears to be able to relate to people of any age, as well as to animals. Plus, he's so easy. My kids were running around in circles, and climbing on tables and roofs when they were his age. He eats almost everything. He likes books. He loves to go outside. He likes to take care of plants. Plus, he can now say my name, "Nena." AND he ran up and hugged me, arms wide open, the first thing he came in the door.

He is officially my favorite person.

Oh, and he taught Grammy how to use the Wii.

I say he's a social phenom.

Here are some pictures from the visit.

At this point, Michael is not entertained....

But, he is a patient cat and melts when Kellan kisses him...

Kellan is mesmerized and I think Michael is asleep...

Then Kellan works his magic on Grammy

Instructing her on how to play the Wii